Everyone complains that no one understands them. Man’s fundamental need is to understand the other properly. He also expects that others should also understand him properly. Yet it often seems an impossible task. In the family, husband and wife, father and son are living together for many years, yet they do not understand each other. What is the reason?
First, when you are talking to someone, you should listen with full attention, conscious attention. But you could not learn to listen consciously. Someone is talking to you and you are not there, the attention is somewhere else. You fail to understand his expressions, gestures, and intentions. You arbitrarily interpret the said words at your convenience.
You can also watch Sadhguru Sakshi Shree’s video on this topic
Second, psychologists say that the bigger problem is that you are not listening to understand what someone is trying to convey. You are listening only so you can respond. Meanwhile, you also calculate and try to form an opinion about it as quickly as possible.
Third, the biggest problem is our attention span that is decreasing by the day. In 2015, our attention span was 12 seconds. But in 1015 it reduced to 8.25 seconds. Even Gold Fish that we keep in aquariums in our homes has a larger attention span. It can hold her focus for 9 seconds. What sort of humans we have become. We have filled our minds with so much clutter and noise.
That’s why no one can understand anyone nowadays. People are in anger, frustration, depression because they think others failed to understand him/her properly. And because of this misunderstanding, disasters have happened. There is discord everywhere because we fail to understand each other. It is said that nowadays everyone is so busy, who has time and patience to understand someone? But it is simply a cunning of your mind. Psychologists say, our brain wants to understand only those things which are necessary. As soon as you understood the necessary thing, your mind doesn’t make any further effort. Your mind is the source of infinite powers but you use it very sparingly.
That’s why if you look, you will find how little you understand your friends, relatives, and colleagues. And it goes both ways. The reason is that you have never listened carefully, consciously to anyone. A few sentences and formal encounters have created the impression that such a person is a gentleman, a crook, a dishonest, or an honest person. We judge others very quickly. And judgment is based on our prejudices, assumptions, likes, dislikes, and stereotypes. You have never neutrally looked at yourself or others. So you are something and someone thinks of you as something else. Someone is something and your understanding is something else. This vicious cycle is going on and everyone is upset.
The problem is also that no technology has been developed to read what is going on in one’s mind. That’s why an impression is made from your words, mannerisms, and ostentation. Today’s man is completely repressed. He is just acting. How to make an informed guess about a gentleman who wears a guise of seriousness, who never engages you in any conversation other than about profit and loss, and who wears an artificial smile. If you are self-centered, never express your feelings, live only on the level of intellect, then it is natural that people who are unable to understand you, will form an opinion using only imagination. Every man has become an impregnable fort. If you want people to understand you properly, then first you have to learn to express yourself. Give voice to your words and feelings.
To understand someone, it is necessary to be wakeful and attentive. And if you want to be attentive, meditation is a necessary tool. Only meditation can reduce the noises that you are carrying in your head. A meditative mind can understand someone more consciously, wakefully. And once you began to understand people you will automatically have an urge for connection. And this process of connection begins with three words – Sympathy, Empathy, and Compassion.
In general, we often use both sympathy and empathy in the same sense. But there is a difference. Empathy means you can understand the pain a person is going through. But here you stop. Empathy means you have opened the doors of the heart a little. You are also experiencing the joy and pain of someone. Today’s man is very intelligent. He immediately understands hollow things and fakery. Therefore, if your concerns and feelings are real, others will automatically open his heart. He will understand you and you will understand him very well. But empathy doesn’t last forever. If you are upset by someone’s pain today, you may not even look at him tomorrow.
Compassion is the highest level of humanity. A compassionate person is always ready to help in any way possible without any expectation. The springs of empathy may dry up, but the ocean of compassion is always overflowing. Because compassion stems from a deliberate resolve and purpose. Compassion is a feeling of acceptance. It is not affected by any prejudice. A compassionate person is a friend of all humanity. Buddha was compassionate. He left humanity with a great gift of understanding the mind and soul. You can also use this. If compassion is awakened, then the discord due to misunderstanding will end automatically.